#32: Way-oversized shorts

PIC-0152Trust, this author’s sartorial tastes dictate and appreciate that shorts made for dudes stop at or below the knee. It’s one of those trends that was gotten right. Just feels right, it’s how a man should look. Leave the short *ss “hot pants” to broads.

Now with that out the way, let’s get to what SGPL exists to do: tell it like it is about the hood mentality. A mentality that takes things to extremes and often overdoes it badly.  (And summer’s coming up, so in the immortal words of Special Ed, it’s only gettin’ worse.)

Thus in the hood, so many ghetto people (yes, even straight, girly women) will come out of the house in shorts long enough to reach their ankles, with an area of fabric that could easily have been a regular pair of pants. And then they *sses have the nerve to sag in them. Meaning they can actually scuff their shorts with the heels of their shoes. As Geraldo said when covering Katrina, “what the hell.” Purpose-defeating ghetto priorities are quite powerful.

It was bad enough when Mexican cholos were going hard with this look by cutting off the cuffs of them big *ss Ben Davises, looking raggedy as hell in the process.

PIC-0135Really, why does a 5’6, 40-pounds-wet, scrawny ghetto dude need to wear 4XL basketball shorts when he already looks like a midget as it is? One can barely see the inseam half the time when he wears them, so it looks like he’s wearing a skirt. Furthermore, it’s been the case for going on 20 years that bigger size clothes are unavailable in your average store due to the bigger dudes being beaten to the punch by some twiggy little 32-waist douche housin’ up 40-s when he could pull the same look off with a mere 36, if not his own size.

The wackness of it all is that these looks go totally unchallenged by their peers. Everyone simply goes along with it. Ah well, somebody gotta keep the swap meets (and Jimmy Jazz) open.

I’m surprised ghetto folks don’t wear baggy *ss draws at this point.

9 responses to “#32: Way-oversized shorts

  1. okkkkkkk…..preety boring

  2. I thought the baggy pants were bad enough… but I’ve decided that I’ll ask if I would like to know what kind of underwear a person has on. Let’s all pull our pants up. PLEASE

  3. Haha… I’ve always been so confused by this shorts phenomenon. In my neighborhood, I frequently see guys wearing shorts so long they hit their ankles. More like high water pants. Hilarious!

  4. haha these stupid ass mothafuckas

  5. “*ss”? Really? You can’t even bring yourself to type “ass”?

    It’s a pretty benign cuss at this stage in history; it can be heard on prime time TV.

    More to the point, if you can’t bring yourself to write the word, WHY USE IT AT ALL? If it’s so dirty, why do you want to conjure it in the heads of your readers, and compel them to speak the word “ass’ in with their own internal voices?

    Assuming you believe god hates ass, surely it’s a worse sin to be encouraging – almost forcing – others to sully themselves with ass? After all a sin thought of is as bad as a sin committed, according to the hard-core god-botherers.

    Embrace ass or banish it from your vocabulary, please. Writing “*ss” is both prudish and cowardly.

  6. We call them longs. As soon as spring broke we counted how many people at the bar had their longs on and were out to fuck some bitches.

  7. I love walking through the mall and seeing people infront of me with their pants/shirts sagged so low to where the pockets ride behind the knees. Make them look like they have midget legs on an extremely long torso.

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