Nothing makes a ghetto person feel better than seeing someone with a worse situation. Why else do you think daytime talk and judge shows get such great ratings on the Fox, CW, and MyNetworkTV affiliates of the world?
When we heard that a woman gave birth to octuplets, surely we figured it was gonna be some brand new Jon and Kate + 8 situation. But oh, WERE WE IN FOR A LOVELY SURPRISE A WEEK LATER! Details come fast and furious of how trife the whole thing reeeeeeally was! And you know it’s all bad when your own mama is selling you down the river to reporters.
Damn woman already had six other kids, all under 8. Dashiki from Don’t Be A Menace come to life. And where was the father? WHERE WAS THE FATHER? The woman is bone single. No job. Living at home. Obsessed with poppin’ out babies (but apparently not raising the ones she already got…just like ghetto people when you think about it, wanting new toys because the old ones are played out). And greedy too, because she wanted ALLLLL the embryos dropped into her…waaaaait a minute! Yes. 14 kids. To a single, jobless woman. All from frozen embryos. Test tube babies. Their future classmates would have a field day in Robin Harris’s time.
Where did the money come from to do all this? Did she save up all the tooth fairy change from each of her kids already around?
She says she knows she’ll be able to take care of them soon as she finishes school. Word, really? Way to go, you ambitious little scamp! Need I remind you that you have 14 kids, not 14 junk cars you want to overhaul. Children require immediacy of income. But what is she doing right now? Chasing her 15 minutes of fame. Doin’ the interview thang in front of the camera, pallin’ around with Ann Curry and them. Yet she says she doesn’t want to exploit her children by doing a reality show. Hmmm, then why do the national television interview, genius? Talk about a brain in search of a clue. This from a woman who studied to be a psychiatric technician.
And the press dubbed her “Octo-Mom.” Surely that’s based on the fact her lips look like suction cups (Angelina Jolie indeed…Angelyne that drives the pink Corvette in Hollywood looks better than her). Nadya Suleman is the joke that writes itself.
She even gets death threats. We all know the single motherhood epidemic pisses people off, but never to the point we wanted to have one whacked. Maybe those people are who she got the fertility clinic money from?
Suddenly Laquita with four kids from five different dudes doesn’t feel as bad, even though she has to move every year once one of her kids breaks something in the apartment or does that naughty thing to their classmate at school. Compared to Our Miss Suleman, ghetto single moms are living the charmed life. Won’t have to drive a 15-passenger ex-probation department community service van the next 18 years. Maury and Judge Hatchett couldn’t provide better reassurance than that.
Ghetto people everywhere, it is time to rejoice. Bring out the Hennessy, red 
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