#19: Chevrolet

The heartbeat of hood America.

You’ll find ‘em at lowrider shows, at sideshows, on street blocks, on cinder blocks, in front yards and impound yards.

Think of some of your favorite rap songs.  Yung Joc letting it be known the Chevy has the butterfly doors.  South Central putting Ice Cube to the test with 4 brothers in an SS.  Tum Tum doing line dances with his crew as a tribute to the Caprice.  These songs are art imitating life, because the hood luh dem some Chevrolets…the bigger, the V-8ier, the better!

Ghetto folks have a voracious appetite for GMs in general:  Caddys, Regals, Cultlasses, you name it…but they salivate for the bowtie.  Cheap to acquire, easy to find parts for (sometimes stolen), one is instantly official and ready to terrorize the strip.  Do violent-sounding donuts against oncoming traffic to his heart’s content in the Camaro. Load up three or more deep for a smokeout in the illegally tinted Impala.  Lean the Monte Carlo seat back too far for his own good. Run red lights at will like a bully in the Suburban.  Let’s not even get started on El Caminos. Any highway douchebaggery you can think of, chances are any Chevrolet you bump into has logged a mile or two committing such an act. 

Even if it’s ratty to death, the savvy (would-be) parking lot pimp can simply pretend it’s under construction.  ”Don’t worry, baby, the candy paint, dubs/Daytons/IROCs, Flowmasters, and sounds are forthcoming!”  This big hoop dream of an investment on a hooptie nightmare of a throwaway, money pit Celebrity or Lumina that probably cost all of 400 bucks, crummy four-cylinder, flood damage, and all.  The ultimate bucket.  And you can’t tell them NUH-thin’!

What keeps ghetto twentysomethings lining up to get a piece of the action when that Chevy is likely to get them pulled over on numerous DWB raps?  Ready to lift them on rims that are way too big down South or slam them with hydraulics on rims that are way too small in California?  One wonders what the electric appeal could possibly stem from.  Maybe it’s the pair of balls they never grew up with…who knows.

#10: Rims

“Come on man.. don’t buy drugs.. but some rims! They spinnin nigga they spinnin they spinnin nigga they spinniiiiiin!” -Chris Rock

Nothing excites a ghetto person more than sporting a set of custom made rims. Rims are supposed to be the outer part of a wheel that supports a tire. However, ghetto people take having rims to another level. Don’t be surprised if you go into a ghetto neighborhood and see rims made of pure gold with flashing Christmas lights.

If the ghetto person is hood rich, they will lease an Escalade and pimp their car out with a sound system and 22’ or 24’ chrome rims. These rims will have spinners and probably some bling on it to draw unnecessary attention to the driver. Ghetto men usually have rims and an Escalade to compensate for a small penis.

Another sad phenomenon is when expensive rims are sported on a piece of shit hooptie. The car is probably worth no more than 500 bucks, yet the rims come out to about $5k. Having rims is more important than the value of the car because it validates the ghetto person’s status in their prospective neighborhoods. Some ghetto folks are so desperate to have rims, that they will put them on layaway or rent them temporarily.

Rims are so popular they can even be found on bikes and used as ornaments to beautify the neighborhood. Nevertheless rims are a very important part of ghetto life. If one wants to get in good favor with a ghetto person buy them some rims and they will be your best friend.