#28: Do-rags

Condoms for your head.

It used to be that the fellas would only use do-rags to hold down their pomaded and brushed head of hair while they were indoors, and took it off when going out to show off their waves. Do-rags were for a man what rollers are for women.

When the cornrow craze kicked in in the late 90’s, however, suddenly the ghetto faithful were rockin’ do-rags as accessories. Sweaty *ss, grease-smellin’ do-rag would be worn all. Day. Long while heads were just out ghetto adventurin’. Walkin’ the block, blazin’ on the corner, having sex (or jacking off in the alley if one were so unlucky)…all with a do-rag on his head that he never felt the need to take off. Do-rags were suddenly for a man (or thuggish-ruggish lesbian) what a bra was for a woman.

Even guys who were stone bald to the point you knew their hair was never coming back wore them, regardless of having a scalp with the shiny finish of a bowling ball.

To make matters worse, fools would layer two or even three different colored do-rags on their dome, with one of those douchey baseball caps (stickers and all, of course) tilted on as a cherry on top, and you better believe that whole clusterf*ck on his head is matching the fake Jordans on his feet. Add in all the aforementioned activity and those synthetic fabrics had to have someone’s head, rags, and cap smelling like sauerkraut with everything all discolored a dark gray like the insole of some hood girl’s ripper slippers (bought from the same shop to line the Koreans’ pockets even more).

And of course the logical end of this fashion statement is the ridiculousness pictured above, sold in 99 cent stores everywhere. You know once something hits the shelves of a 99 cent store, it’s officially done to death.

With the hipster/skater look all the current rage, the do-rags aren’t as prolific as they were when cats were bumpin’ too much Dipset. But you already know there’s nuff ghetto males keeping it alive everyday. Just like those hood urchins who still had jheri curls in the late 90s or leisure suits in the 80s.

#9: Hair weaves/extensions

Hair weaves are considered the Holy Grail in ghetto society. If hair weaves were to become extinct, everyone in the ghetto would combust into flames. Jokes aside, hair weaves are not exclusively used by Black women. Celebrities and plenty women of other races, especially white women, are sporting hair weaves/extensions these days. Just drive down Melrose or Rodeo Drive and you will see that half the women out there have hair they purchased from the beauty supply store. We’ve all seen Britney Spears’ hot ass mess of a weave in the last year. Jessica Simpson is another celebrity who is catching up on game and selling overpriced weaves to white girls everywhere.

There is nothing wrong with sporting hair weaves. However, hair weaves should be treated like any other beauty accessory. The key is not to get overzealous with hair weaves and sport a style that is appropriate for the occasion and compliments the individual. For example, Britney Spears needs a major intervention especially with her weave. It looks like she took some Barbie hair and Elmer’s Glue and had a field day. She has what I call dirty homeless hair. She probably stinks too but that’s another topic altogether.

Ghetto Black women need an intervention with their weaves as well. If your weave is considered a primary color, then there is a huge problem. Ghetto folks tend to get a little flamboyant with their weave styles. For example if your weave has helicopter propellers, glitter, or three different styles on one hairdo, the female in question needs to just start over or shoot herself in the head. Another issue is multiple textures. Ladies, do not sport Korean Silky hair and have Kunta Kinte edges. Nappy hair and silky weave do not go together, yet many ghetto chicks cannot seem to match the texture of their own hair and the weave. Last but not least, invest in quality hair. Do not pay 5 dollars for some plastic garbage and not expect folks to question your judgment. It breaks my heart when I see a woman sporting tightly coiled plastic weave and act like it is their own hair. No one will believe you are mixed with Indian with weave that looks like it should be used for cable wiring.

#5: Ripper Slippers

Ripper Slippers is a CA Bay Area term for those uber cheap Chinese slippers found at Korean nail salons patronized by ghetto women. Usually these fashion statements are sported by ghetto females in urban areas or flamboyant homosexual males. No stylish or chic individual will be found dead in these atrocities. Usually a ghetto broad will buy ripper slippers in every color under the sun.

Ghetto females who sport ripper slippers often fall victim to crunchy ass feet. Usually these women have severe bunions and the back of their heels have layers of crust that will require a cheese grater to remove the callouses. Ripper Slippers are also very cheap. The shoes, if you can even call them that, are made from plastic-like material and are often sold in bulk. On average a pair of ripper slippers sell for $2-$4 depending on the location. If the nail salon is having a special, ripper slippers can be bought on a two-for-one special.

Sadly, ripper slippers are also used as formal wear for some ghetto women. I’ve witnessed first hand ripper slippers being worn with a nice dinner dress. Ghetto women believe that ripper slippers can be worn for every occasion due to their simplicity. What’s even more horrific is that there is such a huge demand for ripper slippers that many Korean nail salons have made matching purses to go with the shoes.

Thankfully, ripper slippers are only concentrated in urban areas. Even those slippers are starting to lose their appeal in ghetto society. However, every now and then you will see a ghetto queen sporting a worn out pair of ripper slippers.