#41: Taking rap(s) too seriously

Studio gangstas exist because rap’s biggest problem since the rise of the thugs and “roughnecks” has been the idiot fans (and some rappers’ colleagues) who feel that keeping it real actually means that rappers must live exactly what they say in rhymes (that subject matter usually being some hardcore dirt or illegal way they got extreme stacks before they first hit the mic). To these people (usually ghetto), there’s no such thing as a persona or a character, no such thing as creative license.

Somehow this “keep it real” contingent never got the memo that a rap song isn’t an interview with a given rapper.

Some, to be sure, actually do rap about their real current lives or true experiences. Or even base fictional raps on something that really happened, ripped from national headlines or their personal ones.

But one should be able to paint whatever type of picture they like without some weirdo attaching these works to how the performer actually lives. Many rappers are their own worst enemy, as these lyrical Brunos never step out of character, and perpetuate the idea that this should be the normative of Hip-Hop. Even wrestlers change it up when they get out of the polyester daduntaduns.

Overemphasizing that other idea of “realness” is what has poisoned the rap climate for so long. It’s partly how Tupac and Biggie got killed, it’s partly why so much corny E-thuggery is posted to rap sites like allhiphop.com or DubCNN, it’s partly why so many MCs (like Max B and Shyne) go catch cases and end their own careers.

It’s really disrespectful to the beauty of what Hip-Hop has been and still could be. You don’t see this f*ckery go on in rock or jazz, not even with these all-too-closely-associated R&B artists.

And it’s paradoxically hilarious that these homophobic alpha males are analyzing every square inch of the life of another man as if they’re getting paid for it. Message to that man in question who rolls like this: If another dude was on your tip like that, living vicariously through you, you’d call him all kinds of queers, right? Of course you would, the world already knows how people like you are. You don’t think you look some kinda way all in a rapper’s personal business (or that of some sports figure, for that matter)? *cue the plea copping that it’s supposedly different*

And leave it to this idiocy that you got rappers not admitting to or proud to have perfectly legit jobs or degrees in the name of higher street cred. For the sake of feeling right listening to a record, one would rather that someone getting smoked or turned out on crack actually happened, and at that rapper’s hand! As if that makes the beat sound better in the speakers or some sh*t…

The b*tch*ssness in America

Time to take another ghetto break and talk about something this author finds irksome. That would be b*ch*ssness.

Some of our people have extreme sticks up their *sses sometimes about things that there really is no need to get uber-uppity over.

One high profile example of this was when Sarah Palin and her milquetoast husband attempted to get political brownie points out of jokes David Letterman told the week before this writing. People with a sense of humor do understand that while some of what was said was in poor taste, that public figures over 18 are open game. I honestly don’t think he knew their 14-year-old was at the game.

She couldn’t just simply say “nah, fam…not cool.” She had to turn it into making it look like Letterman was some sort of pedo who can’t be trusted. What? Reach much? The religious, oppressive, judgmental, spooky venom from her and her supporters is OK, but Letterman is a bad guy.

Right (pun intended), gotcha. It’s just wack when people can’t laugh at themselves. Every situation has to be one to turn into something political. Like that guy who thinks all non-whites in movies are stereotypes keeping said non-white down or whatever. I could go further on that than I could about the police thing, but I’m good. Too bored at the time of this writing to think too hard on it…and that’s exactly how high those types rate if you ask me. Right up there with the guys whe sells oranges in the red matrix bag off the freeway.

Another gem of b*tch*ssness you can uncover is if you shoot out a text message or e-mail blast to a gang of your people. The words chosen in the answers you get will be extremely telling. It’s telling how seriously to a fault they take themselves and their little views, it’s telling what they think of you and it’s telling the kind of hypocrites they are.

The douche-made, arrogant, looking-for-a-fight *ss behavior has gotten out of control in this world. Basically this author is here to define b*tch*ssness as making mountains out of molehills, turning a situation into something it never had to be just so you can feel good, get your little nut off. It’s the ugliest form of hating there is.

The second sense of b*tch*ssness is finding any excuse to get destructive, be an *sshole, f*ck things up for everyone else, etc. The Palin example above is one. Getting drunk just to start a fight in the club just so someone can get shot is another. September 11th was yet a third…and more so by extension of folks who had a field day enacting a billion restrictions and wrecking the ability to breathe.

So in turn is having a riot because your college or pro sports team won a championship. Would you want anybody rocking, or torching your frickin’ car just because it’s there? Wrecking or defacing the store you like shopping at, the one you work at, or even own? Do you want rent, taxes, and insurance premiums way up in the stratosphere as a result? Or do you not care because it isn’t where YOU live? Whatever happened to just blowing a horn or two, sippin’ on something in public, and tryna see if a freak wants to come home with you because it’s a special kind of party night and a new holiday?

Yeah, Common, play it again.

Sarah Palin

Ghetto people everywhere, it is time to rejoice. Bring out the Hennessy, red Kool-Aid, and start the BBQ grills. One of your very own is about to make history and shake up the status quo in the United States. She’s a pit-bull with lipstick and doesn’t take crap from anyone. She’s a former beauty queen and a hockey mom who puts family and tradition first. Finally ghetto people have a role model and her name is Sarah Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee. Hell, let’s keep it real, she might very well be the next President since John McCain is one cough away from dying.

Sarah Louise Heath Palin is the governor of Alaska who was selected by Republican presidential candidate Senator John McCain to be his running mate. Besides the fact that Palin has a vagina and a creepy resemblance to Tina Fey, there is nothing remarkable about this woman. Oh yeah she birthed five kids, including one Down syndrome tard kid named Trig without managing to look like a complete fat ass. Her greatest accomplishment as governor thus far is failing to sell a jet on eBay, stopping the “Bridge to nowhere,” and hooking up fellow Alaskans with nice tax refunds as a result of cutting down on government spending.

Palin’s accomplishments as governor or getting the Republican nomination for VP isn’t what caught my eye. What excites me about this broad is how hood she is. Sarah Palin is a true ride or die chick along with being a hypocrite and she doesn’t care! For example, how hood is it to get rid of the Alaskan Public Safety Commissioner because he refused to fire your ex-brother in law? Or why are folks in Alaska scared to snitch on Sarah Palin in fear of harassment and losing their jobs? If that’s not crunk I’m not sure what is…Oh never mind, I spoke too soon…

So how are you going to be a traditional right wing Republican preaching family values and determined to outlaw sex education when your 17 year old daughter Bristol (WTF kind of name is that) ends up knocked up? Nice Christian girls aren’t supposed to have premarital sex. Smart Christian girls would have gotten rid of the little bastard before the 1st trimester. Anyone who actually believes that 17 year old Bristol wanted to have a kid right now with her White trash baby daddy is delusional! To add insult to injury, little cumster Bristol now has to marry her White trash baby daddy to save face. Talk about taking one for the team! Is this what you want to wake up to every morning?
Imagine if Bristol was one of the Obama girls, the media would have a field day trashing them and calling their family dysfunctional. The folks at Fake News like Bill O’Reilly would call Barack and Michelle Obama irresponsible parents who shouldn’t be in the White House if they can’t take care of their own house. Yet none of the same criticism is being given to Sarah Palin. In fact she is being worshiped as a progressive woman who still has a successful career but still manages to be the quintessential soccer mom. I guess Hillary Clinton (despite her flaws) doesn’t get much credit for having a career and managing to raise a well rounded daughter who didn’t get knocked up at 17 years old.

What’s insane and somewhat scary is that despite all the suspect information coming out about Sarah Palin and her shady tactics, Americans are probably foolish enough to elect McCain/Palin to office. Lord have mercy, someone please pray to the Kool-Aid God that doesn’t happen.

Disclaimer: I’m not a liberal nor am I a member of the Democratic or Republican parties. I believe in common sense, which dictates how I vote. Common sense tells me that since our country has been in a shithole for the past 8 years, why would I elect individuals who will continue the same policies? Come on people, it’s not rocket science.