Monthly Archives: March 2008

My bad!

My apologies for the lack of blogs. One of my crackhead relatives thought it would be okay to steal a plasma tv and sell it for 5 dollars.  On the positive side, I ended up getting more material.

#7: Kool-Aid

Kool-Aid is the top beverage of choice for ghetto people. This beverage is available in a variety of flavors such as red, blue, and grape. Back in the day, the mascot for Kool-Aid was a walking pitcher who would crash though a wall while screaming “Oooh yeahhh.” While the adults enjoy their malt liquor, Kool-Aid is the equivalent to crack for kids. Ghetto children will experience withdrawal symptoms if they do not have Kool-Aid every 4 hours. Sometimes ghetto kids would forgo the water and just eat the Kool-Aid powder by itself. An indicator that Kool-Aid is being eaten out of the packet is stained finger tips.

Although Kool-Aid comes in many varieties, the most popular flavor is red. Red Kool-Aid, followed by grape, appears to be the preference for many ghetto children. One of the signs that a person is in a ghetto household or neighborhood is if a bunch of kids are seen running around with Kool-Aid smiles. The bright red stain round the mouths of children is a sure indicator of ghetto tendencies. A child must drink at least five to eight glasses of Kool-Aid within 2 hours to develop this stain. That’s an abundance of Kool Aid if you consider the average glass is about eight ounces.

Kool-Aid is a drink that many ghetto people get very creative with. Sometimes adults mix Kool-Aid with vodka for a fun cocktail or add fruit such as grapes and pineapple to the beverage. Kool-Aid can also be made into a fun frozen treat by pouring the beverage into ice cubes. Regardless of how the person chooses to make Kool-Aid, it is a traditional drink in the households of many ghetto people.

#6: Malt liquor

300px-oe_800Malt Liquor, also known as a “forty,” is a cheap beer of low quality. A forty costs approximately 2-4 dollars per bottle. This alcoholic drink is popular with ghetto youths, bums, and alcoholics for its high alcohol to price ratio. It’s a quick and cheap way to get drunk. According to a study by Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science in California, malt liquor is the alcohol of choice of the homeless, college students, and unemployed. Other studies have shown that approximately 28% of malt liquor is consumed by African Americans while they only make up 13% of the population in the US. 

Gangsters like to drink forties and pay homage to their dead homies by pouring some of the liquor on the ground. Malt liquor has also become a pop culture fixture in the hip-hop comunity. During the 90’s, many rap music videos showed a bunch of people pouring bottles of malt liquor on video hoes or on the graves of dead comrades. Without malt liquor there was no party.

The most popular brands of Malt Liquor include Mickey’s, King Cobra, Colt 45, and Olde English. In urban areas like Watts or Compton, California, a crackhead will be seen at the corner market holding a half empty bottle of Olde English, asking for some change. A female who drinks malt liquor on a daily basis probably has a bunch of kids from different fathers and wears ripper slippers

The purpose of drinking malt liquor isn’t for the exquisite taste but to get shit faced drunk. No alcohol enthusiast or anyone with a decent palate will drink malt liquor for the taste. In fact, most malt liquors smell and taste like day old piss water. Despite all the flaws and social indicators associated with malt liquor, it remains a popular staple in the lives of ghetto people.

#5: Ripper Slippers

Ripper Slippers is a CA Bay Area term for those uber cheap Chinese slippers found at Korean nail salons patronized by ghetto women. Usually these fashion statements are sported by ghetto females in urban areas or flamboyant homosexual males. No stylish or chic individual will be found dead in these atrocities. Usually a ghetto broad will buy ripper slippers in every color under the sun.

Ghetto females who sport ripper slippers often fall victim to crunchy ass feet. Usually these women have severe bunions and the back of their heels have layers of crust that will require a cheese grater to remove the callouses. Ripper Slippers are also very cheap. The shoes, if you can even call them that, are made from plastic-like material and are often sold in bulk. On average a pair of ripper slippers sell for $2-$4 depending on the location. If the nail salon is having a special, ripper slippers can be bought on a two-for-one special.

Sadly, ripper slippers are also used as formal wear for some ghetto women. I’ve witnessed first hand ripper slippers being worn with a nice dinner dress. Ghetto women believe that ripper slippers can be worn for every occasion due to their simplicity. What’s even more horrific is that there is such a huge demand for ripper slippers that many Korean nail salons have made matching purses to go with the shoes.

Thankfully, ripper slippers are only concentrated in urban areas. Even those slippers are starting to lose their appeal in ghetto society. However, every now and then you will see a ghetto queen sporting a worn out pair of ripper slippers.

#4: Street Cred

gunitHaving street cred is held in high esteem in the circles of many ghetto people. Having street cred can be earned by experiencing significant hardship and staying strong or having the ability to influence the masses based on occupation, deeds, or even swagger. Someone without street cred will be subjected to getting punked, pimped, and will be powerless. There are many ways one can earn street cred. Anyone who commands a certain level of respect whether they are a big time pimp, gangster, or community activist can earn street cred.

For example a pimp can earn street cred if his hoes make a lot of money and are loyal. A good pimp rarely has to beat his hoes down to get what he wants. Pimps are street psychologists and have learned the fine art of manipulation in order to get their hoes to sell their booty for dollars. The power of a pimp is based solely on how much money his hoes can bring in. A good pimp will not allow his hoes to play around in hard drugs like cocaine because that will negatively impact revenue. No one can challenge the power of a revenue generating pimp who can control his hoes.

A gangster can earn street cred if he has been shot multiple times a la 50 Cent, and lived to tell the tale. Gangsters also earn street credit if he/she committed a crime such as beating someone’s ass, pistol whoopings, shooting a rival gang member, or stealing highly valued goods. The gangster’s credibility will increase if he/she happens to spend time in prison. After the gangster serves his/her time, they are revered for being “hard.” Keep in mind that if the gangster or anyone for that matter snitches, any street cred they may have earned is forfeited. It is highly advisable not to snitch unless the individual plans to leave the country and never return.

Last but not least, the community activist has the potential to earn the most amount of street cred if their approach is right. Believe it or not community activists who actually live in the ghetto neighborhood are highly respected for their efforts to improve the conditions of the people living within the area. Community activists have seen first hand the plight of their people and have taken it upon themselves to make a difference. However, depending on the situation, sometimes community activists can come off as preachy and turn off the ghetto folks. When that occurs, a community activist will lose street cred and be disregarded as a loud mouth judgment snob. The community activist must keep a balance and ensure that they do not come off as having a superiority complex to the ghetto people they are attempting to serve or else they will lose street cred.

#3: Layaway

biz_1_1dlayaway_174039_1126Anyone who has ever put an item on layaway is ghetto. Layaway is a program at certain stores like Wal-Mart where the person can purchase an item without paying the entire cost at once. Instead the item(s) will remain at the store while the ghetto person makes the scheduled payments. Once the layaway item is paid for, the person can take their purchase home.

Many ghetto people have to resort to layaway because their credit score is so bad that they cannot get a credit card nor will the store give them a loan to purchase the desired item. The main reason that ghetto people must use layaway is because they are flat broke and simply cannot afford the item at the time. A logical person who understands economics would not make a purchase they cannot afford. Ghetto people and most Americans have a different mindset. However it is more chic to make a purchase on AMEX than use layaway. In fact AMEX is a sign of status while layaway is an indication of being broke. For whatever reason ghetto people believe that they are getting a hook up by making multiple payments on their purchase when often times there is a fee associated with layaway.

Ghetto people find the silliest things to put on layaway such as rims, car stereo systems, and even hair weaves. Sadly, there are actually beauty shops that offer layaway programs for hair weaves. Unfortunately, there are times when the ghetto person is unable to make the scheduled payments, so the layaway item ends up staying at the store costing the corporations like Wal-Mart millions of dollars in storage fees, labor cost, and restocking fees. However, many corporations are now starting to eliminate layaway programs in order to increase their profits and attract more desirable customers (i.e. middle to upper middle class). Until that day comes, ghetto people will continue to utilize layaway programs.

Disclaimer: Everyone relax and get a grip. This entry is simply having fun with the observations made herein. It is NOT the gospel on how to spend your money, so stop whining.

#2: Reusing old cooking grease

baconmartiniGhetto people enjoy reusing old cooking grease. The reason for this phenomenon is that reusing old grease is economical and supposedly enhances the flavor of many ghetto cuisines such as fried bologna. Old grease also gives an extra “kick” to catfish and fried chicken. Although there are exceptions to the rule, 9 times out 10 a jar of old grease will be found on or by the stove of a ghetto person’s house. The old cooking grease is often composed of bacon oil, old vegetable oil, lard, fish oil, and of course chicken residue. If the grease manages to go below room temperature, it will start to solidify, often resembling a big jar of pus.

Despite the potential health risk and disgusting hydrogenated oils, ghetto people really like reusing cooking grease. In fact, throwing out old cooking grease is signing your own death warrant. Try going to big momma’s house and throwing out the jar of grease. That person will probably get a beat down.