Daily Archives: March 11, 2008

#2: Reusing old cooking grease

baconmartiniGhetto people enjoy reusing old cooking grease. The reason for this phenomenon is that reusing old grease is economical and supposedly enhances the flavor of many ghetto cuisines such as fried bologna. Old grease also gives an extra “kick” to catfish and fried chicken. Although there are exceptions to the rule, 9 times out 10 a jar of old grease will be found on or by the stove of a ghetto person’s house. The old cooking grease is often composed of bacon oil, old vegetable oil, lard, fish oil, and of course chicken residue. If the grease manages to go below room temperature, it will start to solidify, often resembling a big jar of pus.

Despite the potential health risk and disgusting hydrogenated oils, ghetto people really like reusing cooking grease. In fact, throwing out old cooking grease is signing your own death warrant. Try going to big momma’s house and throwing out the jar of grease. That person will probably get a beat down.

#1: 1st of the month

08wwln190Ghetto people absolutely love the 1st of the month which is when the welfare checks come out. Welfare is a form of social assistance for those unable or choosing not to work. Basically it’s free money for people who realize government cheese is preferable to gainful employment. The 1st of the month is a national holiday celebrated in every ghetto and trailer park around America. The little children wait anxiously for the mail man because they know that when that check comes they can get some extra money to buy purple drink and flaming hot Cheetos. During this time of month you will also notice that business is booming at the Korean hair stores and nail salons.

The 1st of the month can too be a very interesting anthropological study of the mannerisms of ghetto people. During this time of the month ghetto people are quite jovial and can be found in droves at the swap meet getting the latest gear or celebrating their temporarily income at neighborhood cook outs where you will find one if not all of the following items: fried foods, alcohol (preferably 40s and Bud Light), the stench of weed, red Kool-Aid, and bones (dominoes). At these celebrations, stereo systems from old Cadillacs are blasting through the neighborhood while the adults encourage little Ray-Ray and Rasputia to do the booty dance because they think it’s cute. Towards the end of the night either someone gets drunk and reveals that Porsha screwed Leroy who is her cousin who happens to be married to her sister or the rival gang shows up and starts some mess because a guest at the party is wearing the wrong colors.

Unfortunately around the 16th of the month, melancholy starts to set in because all money is gone and the EBT card balance is approaching zero. Weaves start to look crusty, acrylic nails become chipped, and the heels of many women resemble granite rock. Kids are subjected to more ass whoopings because the Madea’s patience is running low as she tries to figure out how to supplement her income until the 1st of the month. However the cycle starts anew as the 17th turns into the 23rd, then finally the last day of the month is here before a blink of an eye. Finally the mail man arrives around the first, holding in his hands the key to ghetto people’s happiness.