#24: Doing hair

Meet your average ghetto female, and there’s a 70% chance she has one of two occupations.  Doing hair, and singing.  Since these girls never really sing unless their song happens to come on 106 and Park while they’re in the shower, we’ll focus on the doing hair part.

How can a ghetto female from 17-70 not get her thalers up on any given Saturday?  Chicks always want their coiff did up, to get ready for the club, chu’uch, court, that hot date with the next sugar daddy, er, baby daddy, er potential deadbeat dad, whatever.  (Can’t forget the dudes that want the braids, rows, or “dreads” hooked up, but let’s not lose focus here.)  Rent or the car note is due, or the kids gotta eat, or old girl wants to stack to get a new pair of heels?  Do a couple of heads and be good to go.  Hey, why let the semester in cosmetology up under nosy loudmouth chickenheads and gay guys go to waste?

In some cases, all that skilled living room stylist has to do is show up with her hands ready to make magic, as it’s often the client’s responsibility to hit the Koreans up for all the supplies. Otherwise, she might already have that blackened pressing comb that doesn’t even require a dedicated stove, as she only needs to throw it on the range.  And she can take her time, as girls are always prepared to be around all damn day to get it done (and some styles still require that lucky girl to come back the next day).  The stylist can watch her shows, talk about the latest neighborhood highlights, smoke a tree or two, cuss her boyfriend out on the phone, smack the kids up for spilling the quarter waters on the originally white carpet and all that.  Might even dance a little.  The client is fully entertained for the trouble, and the stylist will still get paid, lest the client wants water thrown on her dome (you know the ghetto girls hate to get their hair wet) or the fake hair yanked clean out.

Some of these ladies who do hair for the hustle are able to parlay it into renting a booth at virtually any beauty shop in the hood, secure that the buzzer-activated iron door will keep the clients in and the ex-boyfriends out.  (Some even ban children!  Great quick vacation.)  And there’s plenty of these shops to choose from, as some streets have them lined up two to four in a row on the same block.  Veterans of visiting Crenshaw Blvd. in Los Angeles know what this author speaks.

It’s a seller’s market.

13 responses to “#24: Doing hair

  1. Hilarious yet sad simultaneously. Well, why not use an aquired skill to make some extra money? in todays economy everyone should have a hustle ( a way to make “extra” money). Its called a trade & long ago people specialized in trades that allowed them to keep food on the table. I only wish to correct you on one point. People that visit home salons do not enjoy spending all day in someones home watching said antics. Waiting around all day also happens in black hair salons. For some reason (unknown to me) it just comes with the territory. This is why I sport my natural. LOL..I hate waiting around ALL day.

  2. i would like to say that i dnt fuckin lik this website yall sterotyping black people and that shit aint right . All AFRICAN AMERICANS arn’t GHETTO. dammmmmnnnnnnnn

    • lmao! No comment.

    • No, not all African Americans are black, but you are. And you aren’t African American, you’re black. Now get back to cleaning my house. And how the hell are my Chinese child laborers going to make and dry clean my clothes without any cotton? You are slacking, Lady Gucci, are you sure you’re not Mexican? My Jewish accountant will not approve when he finds out profits are down cause you “aint-a-pickin no cotton”.

      • I meant “Not all African Americans are ghetto.” Got me so mad, I can’t even form sentences correctly. Usually, I don’t even talk, I just break out the whip but upon learning that Lady Gucci can almost read and write, I thought I’d meet her on her own level.

    • 4 Wen U T@lk Lyke D!s

      I’m sorry Lady Gucci but if you typed in English and maybe read the line where it said: Ghetto females. People could take you more seriously…..maybe….probably not. Because by the looks of it…you’re a ghetto female. But. You almost got me when you started out the sentence as “I would like to say…” so kudos to the correct grammar at the beginning. -___-;;;

  3. @ Lady Gucci:
    No one ever said they were. Anyone who’s ever lived in the hood (like this author) knows the hood isn’t all Black and not all Blacks live in the hood or take on a hood mentality. Soon come, the whole blanket issue will be addressed, because it’s clear from the comments that not a lot of readers understand the message of this blog.

  4. Pingback: #33: Hair shows « Stuff Ghetto People Like

  5. I remember the first time I had my hair braided. I had small box braids done (pencil size, not micro…micros hadn’t hit all that big yet in ’97), and I slept on the lady’s couch that night, and she woke up the next day and finished. We used Kanekalon braiding hair, braided full length, and dipped the ends. And I only paid $50! I remember getting the above-referenced “show” as well…she fought with the boyfriend/kids, holla’d at the girls by phone, smoked, and sent somebody out to get chicken with the money I paid her. Tiffany was her name, and I marveled at the fact that she could braid her own hair. She said would even take her hair down and, in a pinch, use the same hair to braid it right back up. Now that is some talented fingers, because that Kanekalon is some hard, spidery-web s*it to hold on to right outta the bag, much less braided up, then taken down, then braided up again? I remember she rocked the cranberry red braids and looked every inch the queen she so obviously was. God bless miss Tiffany in San Angelo, TX…she sure hooked this big ol’ gay white boy up!

  6. Lady Gucci, sounds like you’re trez bougie, especially with a name like that you put out to define yourself. It’s usually the bougie who get all bent out of shape by things like this, because the image they’re so desperately trying to portray is threatened by something that is (clearly to most of us) just satire and humorous. And let’s not forget that all stereotypes have a basis in truth. The secure among us have learned by now that being so easily offended is not productive, whether we’re dealing with other cultures or our own. And why do you think it is that we love our own black comedians so much? Because they tell the TRUTH, and the truth can hurt, but it can also be hilarious!

    No, all African-Americans are not “ghetto.” If that was the case, there really would be no NEED for the term”ghetto” in our current lexicon. Ghet it? You should take a look at the great blog called ‘Stuff White People Like’ (written by a white guy, and probably what this blog is based on due to its popularity). That stuff is FUNNY! And it’s nothing more than white people laughing at themselves and amusing other races at the same time. I eagerly anticipate the updates on there, and crack up at the archives, just as much as my white friends do. Loosen up, lady! Your face will feel a lot better when it’s not all scrunched up, I promise!

  7. Back in my day (I won’t say precisely when), doing hair was our middle-class black parents’ idea of a serendipitous free summer program! Few parents were at home in our middle-class (not “ghetto”) neighborhood during the day, and cornrows had just become popular. EVERYBODY was trying to get in on it and learn how to do it. It was a great way to gain admiration and popularity if you were really good and/or really fast. At practically every house, there was someone on the porch or in the living room braiding somebody’s hair, and others waiting their turn. The guys were getting it done more than most of the girls. This was back in the day when you were hot if you were a dude with a big afro. But dealing with picking it out every day, especially in hot summer weather, was a pain. Ah, memories….

  8. i just want to do someones hair please leave your number on facebook if u have 1 and ill get back to u from there go to lil-effrey thats not really mine but i can contact u from ther tomoro or another time

  9. i just want to do someones hair please leave your number on facebook if u have 1 and ill get back to u from there go to lil-effrey thats not really mine but i can contact u from ther 2tomoro or another time

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