#35: Mixing liquor into soft drink bottles

PIC-0167Ghetto people love self-medicating just like anyone who frequents bars on Friday nights or grips a bag of smoke for a night of laughs over Madden. Thing is, ghetto people get it in so often, and knowingly in the most inappropriate times, that they have to find sneaky ways to accomplish the buzz they need.

Weed smokers have the pipe that’s shaped and colored like a metal cigarette (which this author can’t imagine feels good to rock between the lips when it gets extra hot, but it is nifty). Drinkers have the flask as one option, but warm liquor is quite vile, screwface-inducing stuff. Besides a flask looking some kind of way to own, your average round-the-clock alki doesn’t want to get caught making said screwface after a sip, so he needs a way around it.

Enter a bottle of your average soft drink.

Rum & Coke. Jack & Coke (Jack Daniels really needs Coke, because it tastes like gasoline). Gin & Socko was an old hood favorite (probably why Socko/Super Socco is absent from the market). And one this author arrived upon, rum in a coconut (Liz Blizz) Sobe!

It started with this African liquor that was on sale called Konyagi (supposedly Tanzanian, don’t care to fact check at the time of writing this). Gripped a bottle of it, sipped the Sobe just past the ridge below the neck, then poured the Konyagi in to just about the top. Give it a shake and, as long as it’s cold enough, you don’t taste anything but the Sobe…alcohol blends right on in so you can enjoy as normal, and the bend simply sneaks up on you later. So all you ghetto types who drink before you get in the club got something for the drive on the way there. Or the bus for any day of the week.

On one condition. Make dead sure that *ss mixes in some Orbit gum for your vomit breath…and use clear rum. Don’t be ghetto enough to commit the dummy move of this author and use a gold rum, lest you have this loud-with-alcohol swill that looks like you poured milk from your cereal into the toilet you just whizzed in. Also make sure you have somewhere worth going to and chilling at for a while, so you won’t be forced to have the mixer chilling in the freezer on a bunk night where you end up limping home early.

One benefit of the mixed rum & Sobe being in the freezer is that it usually won’t really freeze, and if it does, it melts rather quickly, so it’s immediately crispy cold and ready to go for the lush in you. Until next time, don’t say I never did anything for you.

6 responses to “#35: Mixing liquor into soft drink bottles

  1. this so explains the behavior of my ex boyfriend… if I needed any more evidence that he was ghetto I just got it here

  2. Sounds barbaric. I’m glad I’ve never done that myself.

    *walks swiftly away with head down*

  3. Man this here is the truth. Strait up luv it mayne. The one time I got slipped a mickey was a mystic and tangeray. I will never forget that typing class or Nicole.

  4. GARDEN CITY, N.Y. (Aug. 4) – A Long Island mother was drunk and high on marijuana when she drove the wrong way for almost two miles on a highway before smashing head-on into an SUV, killing herself and seven others, a prosecutor said Tuesday.
    The fiery July 26 crash on the Taconic Parkway killed the woman, her 2-year-old daughter, three young nieces and three men in the SUV. The woman’s 5-year-old son survived. The occupants of a third vehicle sustained minor injuries.
    Diane Schuler, 36, wound up going south in the northbound lanes as motorists sought in vain to get her attention. Six drivers called 911 before the collision, which happened about 35 miles northwest of New York City.
    Witnesses reported seeing Schuler’s red Ford minivan driving erratically, state police said Monday. They said the van was straddling two lanes, tailgating, flashing its headlights and beeping the horn.
    Others saw the vehicle veering from one lane to another and one witness said it appeared as if she was attempting to pass him on the shoulder of the highway. Another witness said the van drove across a grass divider at a service area.
    Schuler called her brother — the father of the three nieces who died — just after 1 p.m., saying she was feeling ill and may have been disoriented. The brother, Warren Hance, told her to stay put and he would come to meet her, but she apparently disregarded those instructions.

  5. For the sake of the argument….. Jack is delicious! So much in fact I use it to season all kinds of food. It was my ‘theme’ flavor last Thanksgiving I hosted. EVERYTHING has a little Jack in it.

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