#33: Hair shows

HAIR shows! F*cking hair shows.

The convention of feminine and campy flamboyance. Where the home-based stylists and their clients get their ideas. One of many reasons the stores run by Koreans sell the fake hair. And there’s a chance styles seen at one will turn up at a prom or two.

Alright, here’s the analogy to paint the picture for you:
Hair shows are to ghetto people what fashion shows are to the wine-and-cheese, Fancy Dan gay guys and child beauty pageants are to those loser Middle America redneck moms.

Some of the most ridiculous, impossible, Pantone-damning primary colored, Flavor of Love, job interview reject hair styles are what you’re gonna see at a hair show. Even hair magazines will steer clear of hair shows. But ghetto people get up for it like Texas gets up for high school football…and this author crams to understand either one.

So instead of a massive write up on it, it’s pictorial time….observe:

#9: Hair weaves/extensions

Hair weaves are considered the Holy Grail in ghetto society. If hair weaves were to become extinct, everyone in the ghetto would combust into flames. Jokes aside, hair weaves are not exclusively used by Black women. Celebrities and plenty women of other races, especially white women, are sporting hair weaves/extensions these days. Just drive down Melrose or Rodeo Drive and you will see that half the women out there have hair they purchased from the beauty supply store. We’ve all seen Britney Spears’ hot ass mess of a weave in the last year. Jessica Simpson is another celebrity who is catching up on game and selling overpriced weaves to white girls everywhere.

There is nothing wrong with sporting hair weaves. However, hair weaves should be treated like any other beauty accessory. The key is not to get overzealous with hair weaves and sport a style that is appropriate for the occasion and compliments the individual. For example, Britney Spears needs a major intervention especially with her weave. It looks like she took some Barbie hair and Elmer’s Glue and had a field day. She has what I call dirty homeless hair. She probably stinks too but that’s another topic altogether.

Ghetto Black women need an intervention with their weaves as well. If your weave is considered a primary color, then there is a huge problem. Ghetto folks tend to get a little flamboyant with their weave styles. For example if your weave has helicopter propellers, glitter, or three different styles on one hairdo, the female in question needs to just start over or shoot herself in the head. Another issue is multiple textures. Ladies, do not sport Korean Silky hair and have Kunta Kinte edges. Nappy hair and silky weave do not go together, yet many ghetto chicks cannot seem to match the texture of their own hair and the weave. Last but not least, invest in quality hair. Do not pay 5 dollars for some plastic garbage and not expect folks to question your judgment. It breaks my heart when I see a woman sporting tightly coiled plastic weave and act like it is their own hair. No one will believe you are mixed with Indian with weave that looks like it should be used for cable wiring.

#3: Layaway

Anyone who has ever put an item on layaway is ghetto. Layaway is a program at certain stores like Wal-Mart where the person can purchase an item without paying the entire cost at once. Instead the item(s) will remain at the store while the ghetto person makes the scheduled payments. Once the layaway item is paid for, the person can take their purchase home.

Many ghetto people have to resort to layaway because their credit score is so bad that they cannot get a credit card nor will the store give them a loan to purchase the desired item. The main reason that ghetto people must use layaway is because they are flat broke and simply cannot afford the item at the time. A logical person who understands economics would not make a purchase they cannot afford. Ghetto people and most Americans have a different mindset. However it is more chic to make a purchase on AMEX than use layaway. In fact AMEX is a sign of status while layaway is an indication of being broke. For whatever reason ghetto people believe that they are getting a hook up by making multiple payments on their purchase when often times there is a fee associated with layaway.

Ghetto people find the silliest things to put on layaway such as rims, car stereo systems, and even hair weaves. Sadly, there are actually beauty shops that offer layaway programs for hair weaves. Unfortunately, there are times when the ghetto person is unable to make the scheduled payments, so the layaway item ends up staying at the store costing the corporations like Wal-Mart millions of dollars in storage fees, labor cost, and restocking fees. However, many corporations are now starting to eliminate layaway programs in order to increase their profits and attract more desirable customers (i.e. middle to upper middle class). Until that day comes, ghetto people will continue to utilize layaway programs.

Disclaimer: Everyone relax and get a grip. This entry is simply having fun with the observations made herein. It is NOT the gospel on how to spend your money, so stop whining.